For many parents, life as they know it has changed drastically. Morning school drop-offs have now become pyjama sessions in the lounge, and the concept of “stay-at-home moms” has become a reality for everyone. This new normal has unsettled a lot of households, schedules and routines and requires a mindset shift at an emotional, psychological and physical level. Rhys Heron, Mi9’s managing director shares some of his tips on how his household has been coping with this change and how as a senior leader he is making this transition, keeping healthy, delivering on the business results and being present for his family.
As the New Zealand government announced the nation would go into Level 4 lockdown in response to COVID-19 from midnight on 25 March, and schools closed their gates in the days beforehand in anticipation, many parents who are lucky enough to be able to continue working from home during lockdown found themselves in the unique position of trying to juggle working from home, home schooling and just being parents. As a family of two working parents and two school-aged boys, we had to adapt, and fast! There are many ways to approach a challenge like this and no right or wrong answers, but here are some of the practical steps we’ve taken in our household to make working from home with children during lockdown as productive and harmonious as possible:
1. Developed a daily schedule
Being a fairly organised person and appreciating the benefits of routine during difficult times, especially for children, I developed a daily plan outlining blocks of time for home schooling, outdoor play and activities. This became a template we used as a guide to ensure school work was done, one parent could focus on work while the other took point with the kids (and squeezed in work where they could), the kids got to burn off energy outdoors, in the garden, or on a walk or on their scooters, and they could also have some fun with organised activities or free play. As the weeks have progressed, the schedule has become less important but it helped guide us through the early days of lockdown.
2. Implemented a reward system for our children’s behaviour
Knowing we may be in lockdown and close confines for 4-6 weeks or more, we appreciated generally good behaviour from the boys was going to be essential to maintaining a harmonious household and our sanity! In the past the boys have been motivated by points systems with a material reward, which they can choose, once a certain threshold for points has been achieved. One point is generally awarded for good behaviour and one removed for bad behaviour and marked on a whiteboard. This has helped provide a visible consequence for encouraged and discouraged behaviour and motivated the boys to sustain encouraged behaviour. Two weeks into lockdown the boys are one-third of the way to their target and have scored two points a day for the past three days, or a “hat-trick” as my son called it, and their behaviour is actually improving the longer we spend in lockdown, despite the unusual routine, so it seems to be working as hoped.
3. Communicate with your partner
My wife is also a busy professional with scheduled and unscheduled calls and video conferences and the need to focus on tasks in between. Often our schedules clash so it’s very important to compare diaries and commitments at the start of each day to understand who will focus 100% on work and when and who will be available for the kids, and work as they can. Unfortunately, with two boys under 10, it’s almost impossible for both parents to be 100% focussed on work without invariable and regular interruptions for food, water or anything else! We aimed for two-hour blocks with one focussing on work and the other on the kids, but in the end this became more like one hour before switching roles. It hasn’t been easy to juggle the workload, but we have found a certain equilibrium that seems to be working.
4. Be present and understanding
Level 4 lockdown is unsettling for adults, let alone children, who may understand less about the detail but sense something unusual is happening around them. With all the distractions of work, daily responsibilities and children constantly present, it’s important to also find time to be present for your children and partner and give them undivided attention when you can. Everyone is probably more emotionally vulnerable than normal, as normal is no longer… normal, so being present and understanding is important. Trying harder to accommodate perfectly understandable emotional ups and downs from adults and children has been key, and we’ve found our household is more harmonious than it used to be some weekends prior to lockdown!
5. Reserve some time for you
Many of us feel we’re working harder than ever to balance all our responsibilities without the benefit of perspective that comes from leaving the house and spending time with others. It’s important to squeeze in some time just for you when you can to regain perspective, reenergise and stay fit and healthy, mentally and physically. I’ve tried to maintain my pre-lockdown routine for exercise and interests as much as possible and find these become rewards for myself after an intense day or week. Without these opportunities to replenish my personal fuel tank, I think lockdown would be a lot more monolithic and difficult to “enjoy”.
6. Avoid perfection
I cannot stress this one enough! Acknowledge that this is a difficult situation which you don’t have individual control over, and probably haven’t experienced before. Despite every effort to make lockdown harmonious for you and your family, there are going to be bad moments or days, with family members being less than their best self – I know I have at least once already. I think this is to be expected in an unusual and challenging environment and needs to be approached with understanding. If you’re striving for perfection as a working parent during lockdown, I think you’re creating another source of anxiety for yourself. Give yourself permission to make some things up as you go, make mistakes, have a laugh at your idiosyncrasies and have as much fun as possible with your family while you’re in close confines together longer than you probably ever have been before.
This is just how I’m approaching lockdown as a working parent with my family. These suggestions may not suit you and your family, but I think it’s worth thinking about how to make the most of this unusual and challenging situation. Play your cards right and you and your family could come out of this period better individually and collectively, and more understanding and supportive of each other than before we went into lockdown, and wouldn’t that help make it all worthwhile?
